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  • Writer's pictureNicole Alviti

Chasing My Rainbow

Updated: Mar 21, 2021

Those of you who know me well, know that I am a very private person, so of course a lot of thought and hesitation went into creating this blog. I have contemplated for some time now whether to keep what we have been through and/or what we are going through to ourselves, or to share our story with the world. In the absolute worst time of our life, what helped me more than I realized at the time, was hearing stories others shared with me of their own struggles. My whole life I had been surrounded by so many strong women, whom I had no idea suffered in silence for most of their lives, until it happened to me. Some of these woman I had known my whole life, and some I barely knew at all. THANK YOU. How lucky am I that all of these women, no matter our relationship, how long it had been since I last saw or talked to them, or how short of a time I had known them, felt comfortable enough to share their most personal moments with me. How lucky am I, that I had SO much support. How lucky am I, that so many people cared enough to reach out just to tell me that I wasn't alone. I. Was. Not. Alone. And you aren't either.

Only in recent years has anyone started openly bringing awareness to infertility, miscarriage, and infant loss. A lot of us forget that women aren't the only ones who are riding the struggle bus every single day. Men also experience the roller coaster of emotions, dozens of heartbreaking failed cycles, and recurring miscarriages. Husbands, fathers, brothers... they all feel our pain and sadness while often hiding their own, to be strong for us.

After discussing in depth with my husband all of my hopes, concerns and fears in creating this heart pouring, gut wrenching, deeply personal recording of our life together, with his blessing I decided it was important for me to tell our story. It is important not just for myself, but for all of you who may be struggling with the same or similar issues. For those who are still or newly suffering in silence. For those of you who want to open up and share your own stories. For those of you who are watching loved ones struggle and don't know how to help them. And most importantly, for the children in my family who God forbid, could one day potentially face many of the same challenges I have faced/am facing now. It is important for our children to know where they came from, how they got here, how to help themselves in times of depression and despair, how to help others, how to navigate intense and intimate struggles, how to learn from my mistakes, and how to learn from my successes. Most importantly, it is important for our children to learn how to never give up on a dream.

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